SELF-ABASEMENT IN THE SIGHT OF GOD
THE DISCIPLE
I WILL speak to my Lord, I who am but dust and ashes. If I
consider myself anything more than this, behold You stand against me,
and my sins bear witness to the truth which I cannot contradict. If I
abase myself, however, if I humble myself to nothingness, if I shrink
from all self-esteem and account myself as the dust which I am, Your
grace will favor me, Your light will enshroud my heart, and all
self-esteem, no matter how little, will sink in the depths of my
nothingness to perish forever.
It is there You show me to myself -- what I am, what I have
been, and what I am coming to; for I am nothing and I did not know it.
Left to myself, I am nothing but total weakness. But if You look upon
me for an instant, I am at once made strong and filled with new joy.
Great wonder it is that I, who of my own weight always sink to the
depths, am so suddenly lifted up, and so graciously embraced by You.
It is Your love that does this, graciously upholding me,
supporting me in so many necessities, guarding me from so many grave
dangers, and snatching me, as I may truly say, from evils without
number. Indeed, by loving myself badly I lost myself; by seeking only
You and by truly loving You I have found both myself and You, and by
that love I have reduced myself more profoundly to nothing. For You, O
sweetest Lord, deal with me above all my merits and above all that I
dare to hope or ask.
May You be blessed, my God, for although I am unworthy of any
benefits, yet Your nobility and infinite goodness never cease to do
good even for those who are ungrateful and far from You. Convert us to
You, that we may be thankful, humble, and devout, for You are our
salvation, our courage, and our strength. |
Of a low estimation of self in the sight of God
I will speak unto my Lord who am but dust and
ashes. If I count myself more, behold Thou standest against me, and
my iniquities bear true testimony, and I cannot gainsay it. But if I
abase myself, and bring myself to nought, and shrink from all
self-esteem, and grind myself to dust, which I am, Thy grace will be
favourable unto me, and Thy light will be near unto my heart; and all
self-esteem, how little soever it be, shall be swallowed up in the
depths of my nothingness, and shall perish for ever. There Thou
showest to me myself, what I am, what I was, and whither I have come:
so foolish was I and ignorant.(1) If I am left to myself, behold I am
nothing, I am all weakness; but if suddenly Thou look upon me,
immediately I am made strong, and filled with new joy. And it is
great marvel that I am so suddenly lifted up, and so graciously
embraced by Thee, since I am always being carried to the deep by my
own weight.
2. This is the doing of Thy love which freely
goeth before me and succoureth me in so many necessities, which
guardeth me also in great dangers and snatcheth me, as I may truly
say, from innumerable evils. For verily, by loving myself amiss, I
lost myself, and by seeking and sincerely loving Thee alone, I found
both myself and Thee, and through love I have brought myself to yet
deeper nothingness: because Thou, O most sweet Lord, dealest with me
beyond all merit, and above all which I dare ask or think.
3. Blessed be Thou, O my God, because though I be
unworthy of all Thy benefits, Thy bountiful and infinite goodness
never ceaseth to do good even to ingrates and to those who are turned
far from Thee. Turn Thou us unto Thyself, that we may be grateful,
humble, and godly, for Thou art our salvation, our courage, and our
strength. |