HOW A DESOLATE PERSON OUGHT TO COMMIT HIMSELF INTO
THE HANDS OF GOD
THE DISCIPLE
LORD God, Holy Father, may You be blessed now and in eternity.
For as You will, so is it done; and what You do is good. Let Your
servant rejoice in You -- not in himself or in any other, for You
alone are true joy. You are my hope and my crown. You, O Lord, are my
joy and my honor.
What does Your servant possess that he has not received from
You, and that without any merit of his own? Yours are all the things
which You have given, all the things which You have made.
I am poor and in labors since my youth, and my soul is
sorrowful sometimes even to the point of tears. At times, also, my
spirit is troubled because of impending sufferings. I long for the joy
of peace. Earnestly I beg for the peace of Your children who are fed
by You in the light of consolation. If You give peace, if You infuse
holy joy, the soul of Your servant shall be filled with holy song and
be devout in praising You. But if You withdraw Yourself, as You so
very often do, he will not be able to follow the way of Your
commandments, but will rather be obliged to strike his breast and bend
the knee, because his today is different from yesterday and the day
before when Your light shone upon his head and he was protected in the
shadow of Your wings from the temptations rushing upon him.
Just Father, ever to be praised, the hour is come for Your
servant to be tried. Beloved Father, it is right that in this hour
Your servant should suffer something for You. O Father, forever to be
honored, the hour which You knew from all eternity is at hand, when
for a short time Your servant should be outwardly oppressed, but
inwardly should ever live with You.
Let him be a little slighted, let him be humbled, let him fail
in the sight of men, let him be afflicted with sufferings and pains,
so that he may rise again with You in the dawn of the new light and be
glorified in heaven.
Holy Father, You have so appointed and wished it. What has
happened is what You commanded. For this is a favor to Your friend, to
suffer and be troubled in the world for Your love, no matter how often
and by whom You permit it to happen to him.
Nothing happens in the world without Your design and
providence, and without cause. It is well for me, O Lord, that You
have humbled me, that I may learn the justice of Your judgments and
cast away all presumption and haughtiness of heart. It is profitable
for me that shame has covered my face that I may look to You rather
than to men for consolation. Hereby I have learned also to fear Your
inscrutable judgment falling alike upon the just and unjust yet not
without equity and justice.
Thanks to You that You have not spared me evils but have
bruised me with bitter blows, inflicting sorrows, sending distress
without and within. Under heaven there is none to console me except
You, my Lord God, the heavenly Physician of souls, Who wound and heal,
Who cast down to hell and raise up again. Your discipline is upon me
and Your very rod shall instruct me.
Behold, beloved Father, I am in Your hands. I bow myself under
Your correcting chastisement. Strike my back and my neck, that I may
bend my crookedness to Your will. Make of me a pious and humble
follower, as in Your goodness You are wont to do, that I may walk
according to Your every nod. Myself and all that is mine I commit to
You to be corrected, for it is better to be punished here than
hereafter.
You know all things without exception, and nothing in man's
conscience is hidden from You. Coming events You know before they
happen, and there is no need for anyone to teach or admonish You of
what is being done on earth. You know what will promote my progress,
and how much tribulation will serve to cleanse away the rust of vice.
Deal with me according to Your good pleasure and do not despise my
sinful life, which is known to none so well or so clearly as to You
alone.
Grant me, O Lord, the grace to know what should be known, to
praise what is most pleasing to You, to esteem that which appears most
precious to You, and to abhor what is unclean in Your sight.
Do not allow me to judge according to the light of my bodily
eyes, nor to give sentence according to the hearing of ignorant men's
ears. But let me distinguish with true judgment between things visible
and spiritual, and always seek above all things Your good pleasure.
The senses of men often err in their judgments, and the lovers of this
world also err in loving only visible things. How is a man the better
for being thought greater by men? The deceiver deceives the deceitful,
the vain man deceives the vain, the blind deceives the blind, the weak
deceives the weak as often as he extols them, and in truth his foolish
praise shames them the more. For, as the humble St. Francis says,
whatever anyone is in Your sight, that he is and nothing more. |
How a desolate man ought to commit himself into the
hands of God
O Lord, Holy Father, be Thou blessed now and
evermore; because as Thou wilt so it is done, and what Thou doest is
good. Let Thy servant rejoice in Thee, not in himself, nor in any
other; because Thou alone art the true joy, Thou art my hope and my
crown, Thou art my joy and my honour, O Lord. What hath Thy servant,
which he received not from Thee, even without merit of his own? Thine
are all things which Thou hast given, and which Thou hast made. I am
poor and in misery even from my youth up,(1) and my soul is sorrowful
unto tears, sometimes also it is disquieted within itself, because of
the sufferings which are coming upon it.
2. I long after the joy of peace; for the peace
of Thy children do I beseech, for in the light of Thy comfort they are
fed by Thee. If Thou give peace, if Thou pour into me holy joy, the
soul of Thy servant shall be full of melody, and devout in Thy
praise. But if Thou withdraw Thyself as too often Thou art wont, he
will not be able to run in the way of Thy commandments, but rather he
will smite his breast and will bow his knees; because it is not with
him as yesterday and the day before, when Thy candle shined upon his
head,(2) and he walked under the shadow of Thy wings,(3) from the
temptations which beset him.
3. O Father, righteous and ever to be praised,
the hour cometh when Thy servant is to be proved. O beloved Father,
it is well that in this hour Thy servant suffer somewhat for Thy
sake. O Father, evermore to be adored, as the hour cometh which Thou
foreknewest from everlasting, when for a little while Thy servant
should outwardly bow down, but always live inwardly with Thee; when
for a little while he should be little regarded, humbled, and fail in
the eyes of men; should be wasted with sufferings and weaknesses, to
rise again with Thee in the dawn of the new light, and be glorified in
the heavenly places. O Holy Father, thou hast ordained it so, and so
hast willed it; and that is done which Thou Thyself hast commanded.
4. For this is Thy favour to Thy friend, that he
should suffer and be troubled in the world for Thy love's sake, how
often soever, and by whomsoever and whosoever Thou hast suffered it to
be done. Without Thy counsel and providence, and without cause,
nothing cometh to pass on the earth. It is good for me, Lord, that I
had been in trouble, that I may learn Thy statutes,(4) and may cast
away all pride of heart and presumption. It is profitable for me that
confusion hath covered my face, that I may seek to Thee for
consolation rather than unto men. By this also I have learned to
dread Thine unsearchable judgment, who afflictest the just with the
wicked, but not without equity and justice.
5. Thanks be unto Thee, because Thou hast not
spared my sins, but hast beaten me with stripes of love, inflicting
pains, and sending troubles upon me without and within. There is none
who can console me, of all things which are under heaven, but Thou
only, O Lord my God, Thou heavenly Physician of souls, who dost
scourge and hast mercy, who leadest down to hell and bringest up
again.(5) Thy discipline over me, and Thy rod itself shall teach me.
6. Behold, O beloved Father, I am in Thy hands, I
bow myself under the rod of Thy correction. Smite my back and my neck
that I may bend my crookedness to Thy will. Make me a pious and lowly
disciple, as Thou wert wont to be kind, that I may walk according to
every nod of Thine. To Thee I commend myself and all that I have for
correction; better is it to be punished here than hereafter. Thou
knowest all things and each of them; and nothing remaineth hid from
Thee in man's conscience. Before they are, thou knowest that they
will be, and Thou needest not that any man teach Thee or admonish Thee
concerning the things which are done upon the earth. Thou knowest
what is expedient for my profit, and how greatly trouble serveth unto
the scrubbing off the rust of sin. Do with me according to Thy
desired good pleasure, and despise not my life which is full of sin,
known to none so entirely and fully as to Thee alone.
7. Grant me, O Lord, to know that which ought to
be known; to love that which ought to be loved; to praise that which
pleaseth Thee most, to esteem that which is precious in Thy sight, to
blame that which is vile in Thine eyes. Suffer me not to judge
according to the sight of bodily eyes, nor to give sentence according
to the hearing of the ears of ignorant men; but to discern in true
judgment between visible and spiritual things, and above all things to
be ever seeking after the will of Thy good pleasure.
8. Oftentimes the senses of men are deceived in
judging; the lovers of the world also are deceived in that they love
only visible things. What is a man better because by man he is
reckoned very great? The deceiver deceiveth the deceiver, the vain
man the vain, the blind man the blind, the weak man the weak, when
they exalt one another; and in truth they rather put to shame, while
they foolishly praise. For as humble St. Francis saith, "What each
one is in Thine eyes, so much he is, and no more." |