SORROW OF HEART
IF YOU wish to make progress in virtue, live in the fear of the
Lord, do not look for too much freedom, discipline your senses, and
shun inane silliness. Sorrow opens the door to many a blessing which
dissoluteness usually destroys.
It is a wonder that any man who considers and meditates on his
exiled state and the many dangers to his soul, can ever be perfectly
happy in this life. Lighthearted and heedless of our defects, we do
not feel the real sorrows of our souls, but often indulge in empty
laughter when we have good reason to weep. No liberty is true and no
joy is genuine unless it is founded in the fear of the Lord and a good
conscience.
Happy is the man who can throw off the weight of every care and
recollect himself in holy contrition. Happy is the man who casts from
him all that can stain or burden his conscience.
Fight like a man. Habit is overcome by habit. If you leave men
alone, they will leave you alone to do what you have to do. Do not
busy yourself about the affairs of others and do not become entangled
in the business of your superiors. Keep an eye primarily on yourself
and admonish yourself instead of your friends.
If you do not enjoy the favor of men, do not let it sadden you;
but consider it a serious matter if you do not conduct yourself as
well or as carefully as is becoming for a servant of God and a devout
religious.
It is often better and safer for us to have few consolations in
this life, especially comforts of the body. Yet if we do not have
divine consolation or experience it rarely, it is our own fault
because we seek no sorrow of heart and do not forsake vain outward
satisfaction.
Consider yourself unworthy of divine solace and deserving
rather of much tribulation. When a man is perfectly contrite, the
whole world is bitter and wearisome to him.
A good man always finds enough over which to mourn and weep;
whether he thinks of himself or of his neighbor he knows that no one
lives here without suffering, and the closer he examines himself the
more he grieves.
The sins and vices in which we are so entangled that we can
rarely apply ourselves to the contemplation of heaven are matters for
just sorrow and inner remorse.
I do not doubt that you would correct yourself more earnestly
if you would think more of an early death than of a long life. And if
you pondered in your heart the future pains of hell or of purgatory, I
believe you would willingly endure labor and trouble and would fear no
hardship. But since these thoughts never pierce the heart and since we
are enamored of flattering pleasure, we remain very cold and
indifferent. Our wretched body complains so easily because our soul is
altogether too lifeless.
Pray humbly to the Lord, therefore, that He may give you the
spirit of contrition and say with the Prophet: "Feed me, Lord, with
the bread of mourning and give me to drink of tears in full
measure."[5] |
Of compunction of heart
If thou wilt make any progress keep thyself in
the fear of God, and long not to be too free, but restrain all thy
senses under discipline and give not thyself up to senseless mirth.
Give thyself to compunction of heart and thou shalt find devotion.
Compunction openeth the way for many good things, which dissoluteness
is wont quickly to lose. It is wonderful that any man can ever
rejoice heartily in this life who considereth and weigheth his
banishment, and the manifold dangers which beset his soul.
2. Through lightness of heart and neglect of our
shortcomings we feel not the sorrows of our soul, but often vainly
laugh when we have good cause to weep. There is no true liberty nor
real joy, save in the fear of God with a good conscience. Happy is he
who can cast away every cause of distraction and bring himself to the
one purpose of holy compunction. Happy is he who putteth away from
him whatsoever may stain or burden his conscience. Strive manfully;
custom is overcome by custom. If thou knowest how to let men alone,
they will gladly let thee alone to do thine own works.
3. Busy not thyself with the affairs of others,
nor entangle thyself with the business of great men. Keep always
thine eye upon thyself first of all, and give advice to thyself
specially before all thy dearest friends. If thou hast not the favour
of men, be not thereby cast down, but let thy concern be that thou
holdest not thyself so well and circumspectly, as becometh a servant
of God and a devout monk. It is often better and safer for a man not
to have many comforts in this life, especially those which concern the
flesh. But that we lack divine comforts or feel them rarely is to our
own blame, because we seek not compunction of heart, nor utterly cast
away those comforts which are vain and worldly.
4. Know thyself to be unworthy of divine
consolation, and worthy rather of much tribulation. When a man hath
perfect compunction, then all the world is burdensome and bitter to
him. A good man will find sufficient cause for mourning and weeping;
for whether he considereth himself, or pondereth concerning his
neighbour, he knoweth that no man liveth here without tribulation, and
the more thoroughly he considereth himself, the more thoroughly he
grieveth. Grounds for just grief and inward compunction there are in
our sins and vices, wherein we lie so entangled that we are but seldom
able to contemplate heavenly things.
5. If thou thoughtest upon thy death more often
than how long thy life should be, thou wouldest doubtless strive more
earnestly to improve. And if thou didst seriously consider the future
pains of hell, I believe thou wouldest willingly endure toil or pain
and fear not discipline. But because these things reach not the
heart, and we still love pleasant things, therefore we remain cold and
miserably indifferent.
6. Oftentimes it is from poverty of spirit that
the wretched body is so easily led to complain. Pray therefore humbly
unto the Lord that He will give thee the spirit of compunction and say
in the language of the prophet, Feed me, O Lord, with bread of tears,
and give me plenteousness of tears to drink.(1) |